Leveraging the emotional value chain

Those who are unable to manage their emotions live at the mercy of them.

When things are good, this might not be a problem. But when things are bad, they can get really bad. 

Too many people live in an emotional hell of their own creation, when they do not have to. 

But just as bad are those who recognize this and respond by cutting off their emotions entirely. 

They avoid emotional hell by escaping to a dull, flat, boring world of gray.

This is not a fun world. It’s full of stern IRS agents & bad fashion sense.

But what’s the alternative?

Remaining open to our emotions, we can’t always control when we will feel or what we will feel. But with practice we can control how long we will feel an emotion.

This practice of self-soothing is a fundamental emotional skill.

Some people became experts at this at a very young age. But for those of us who did not, we can do more than complain about our parents.

Anyone can learn to improve their own ability to manage emotions, to the benefit of their career, their relationship, their energy levels, and their general enjoyment of life.

In that spirit, I want to share with you the idea of “the emotional value chain.”

In business, a “value chain” represents the flow of activities from start to finish that produce a product or service. Businesses analyze different parts of the chain to see where they can improve their business. 

But you can do the same with your own emotions. 

One of two scenarios occurs when you experience an emotion.

SCENARIO #1

Event   →   Thoughts   →   Feelings   →   Coping   →   Result

In this case, you can’t control the event itself, but you can control your thoughts in response to it, and you can control how you cope with those feelings.

This is going to influence how you feel and the ultimate result you experience.

 Event   →   Thoughts  →   Feelings   →   Coping   →   Result

BUT, sometimes an event triggers your brain to skip the “thinking” part, which occurs in the neocortex, by activating a backdoor between your thalamus and your amygdala. Causing this:

SCENARIO #2

Here, you can't control your thoughts or your feelings, but you can still control how you cope with those feelings and influence the end result of the experience.

In either scenario, the key is to focus on what you can control & don’t beat yourself up over what you can’t control.

If you can change how you think about an event, you can immediately change how you feel about it and put yourself on a positive glide path.

But whether or not that works, you can also choose how you cope in terms of your response to what you feel. 

Do you cope in destructive ways? Can you find positive means of responding and dealing with your emotions?

Most people have automatic coping patterns that are unconsciously hurting them.

But by learning to recognize these poor coping patterns, you can bring them to the surface and build better ones.

When an event/emotional trigger occurs, ask yourself:

•    What do you immediately start thinking?

•    How do you talk to yourself about the situation?

•    What unconscious thought “routines” do you have?

•    What alternative “routines” might make you feel better?

When you start feeling a strong emotion, ask yourself:

•    What actions do you typically take when you feel this way?

•    Do you indulge in the emotion & give it power over you?

•    Do you try to repress it or stifle it?

•    Could you instead channel it in more productive ways?

•    Could you find actions that help dissipate bad emotions?

•    Could you find actions that help maintain good emotions?

With time, anyone can develop better habits to manage their emotions. 

And strong emotions will no longer be something to be feared or avoided, but something to be welcomed and leveraged as part of a more fulfilling life.